Bridging Families from Grandparents to Grandkids: Thriving in a Multigenerational Home

In my birthplace of Puerto Rico, multigenerational living is the way of life. One generation takes care of the next.  Older generations are respected and cared for as they help care for the children in the family. It’s a beautiful tradition that makes sense to me.

Multigenerational living is quickly becoming a trend here in the U.S. for many reasons, including the economic and healthcare landscape. ‌‌Many older adults are moving in with their older adult children because they lack the financial means to stay home and age in place on their own. ‌ And, in some cases, young adult children are moving home for economic reasons and to help their sandwich-generation parents and grandparents. As a result, families are coming together to live and care for one another for the betterment of the entire family.

Multigenerational Living Offers Tremendous Advantages

Here Are A Few — ‌

1. Emotional Support: Family life with your larger family provides built-in support. 

Grandparents offer guidance and wisdom, while grandkids provide companionship and assistance with daily tasks. 

This emotional support is invaluable, especially during challenging times. The bond of a family brings security and strength to each family member. 

2. Childcare and Older Adult Care: Multigenerational living can simplify childcare and older adult care arrangements. 

Grandparents help take care of the kids, reducing the need for external care providers. Similarly, younger family members help ‌‌older adults, ensuring they receive the support they need.

3. Strengthened Family Bonds: Living together fosters stronger family bonds. 

Shared experiences, from meals to family celebrations, create lasting memories and deepen family ties. 

This closeness is incredibly beneficial for ‌‌the kids — growing up with a strong sense of family and community. 

Older family members pass down family stories to ‌younger ones, preserving the family legacy. This storytelling fosters a deeper sense of belonging and security for everyone in the family.

4. Financial Savings: Sharing a home can reduce living expenses considerably, including mortgage, rent, utilities, and groceries. 

There Are Challenges 

1. Space Constraints: Sharing a home can feel cramped, especially if the house isn’t designed for multiple generations and the family members haven’t decluttered the home before moving in. Privacy can become an issue, and personal space may be limited.

2. Conflict Resolution: Living with your larger family can definitely lead to conflicts, especially when it comes to differing lifestyles and values. ‌‌Even having different preferences and tolerance levels for cleanliness and clutter can cause conflicts. ‌ And, family members sure know how to push our buttons.

Family dynamics can be impacted based on ‌living arrangements — Are you moving into mom’s house? ‌Is dad moving in with you? Who’ll be considered head of household? ‌Or, is the agreement to sell the current house and start fresh in a new home together equalizing the management of the home?

3. Financial Disagreements: Financial arrangements can certainly be a source of tension. Deciding how to share expenses and who’s responsible for what can get complex. Clear communication is the key, as well as agreed-upon, well-thought-out financial plans.

4. Caregiving Responsibilities: Caregiving responsibilities can be demanding, especially if older adult parents require significant assistance. Balancing caregiving with work and personal life can be challenging and can lead to burnout.

How to Thrive in a Multigenerational Home

1. Open Communication: Open and honest communication is everything. Try having weekly family meetings to help address concerns, set expectations, and resolve conflicts. Encourage all family members to express their needs and feelings openly and be sure to make time to appreciate one another.

I suggest working on communication skills together and even learning about conflict resolution so that you have a way to manage difficulties as they arise. 

You can even bring in a professional therapist to help you live better together and in harmony.

2. Establish Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries is essential for maintaining privacy and personal space.   The sooner this is done, the smoother the path forward will be. ‌ Discuss and agree on rules regarding shared spaces, quiet times, and personal belongings. Remember to respect each other’s boundaries so that you can foster a harmonious living environment.

3. Create a Financial Plan: Develop a financial plan that outlines how expenses will be shared and any adaptations to the home. Discuss who will be responsible for what and how all the financial decisions will be made. Regularly review and adjust the plan as needed to ensure effectiveness and transparency. 

You may want to consult a professional financial planner to help you do some short-term and long-term planning.

4. Adapt the Home: Consider adapting the home to better accommodate a larger family before bringing your family members together. This may include creating separate living spaces, such as building an Accessory Dwelling Unit (ADU) on your property, adding accessibility features for older family members, and reconfiguring shared areas to maximize functionality.

Consult a Home Modification Expert in your area to explore options like ‘the must-do-now’ adaptations versus ‘consider for later’ as needs evolve.

5. Share Responsibilities: Divide household responsibilities equitably among family members. Create a chore schedule that includes tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. Consider transportation responsibilities — to school, medical appointments, errands, etc. ‌Sharing responsibilities can help prevent burnout and ensure that everyone feels valued and appreciated.

6. Foster Independence & Personal Growth: Encourage independence and personal growth among all family members. Support each other’s purpose, work & school interests, and hobbies. Provide opportunities for individual pursuits.

Balancing togetherness with independence helps maintain a healthy family.

7. Seek Professional Help: If conflicts or challenges become overwhelming, try talking to a professional. 

Family therapists or counselors can provide guidance and strategies for resolving issues and improving communication as well as bringing back harmony in your home.

Take-Aways 

Multigenerational living offers a unique blend of benefits and opportunities. 

By fostering open communication, establishing clear boundaries, and sharing responsibilities, families can thrive together. 

While there may be obstacles along the way, the benefits of being together are profound. 

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